


we should quit, but we love it too much

by TransparentSheepDeer



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Children, F/M, Internal Monologue, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29717400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransparentSheepDeer/pseuds/TransparentSheepDeer
Summary: Callum wonders if a relationship between him and Rayla could ever work out.
Relationships: Callum/Rayla (The Dragon Prince)
Kudos: 22





	we should quit, but we love it too much

It wasn’t like Callum didn’t know. Oh, he definitely did. It’s just that, when it came to admitting it to himself, things got tricky.

He was in his room, drawing Bait in his sketchbook. He was bored, and he hadn’t drawn Bait in _ages_. It was his only distraction at the moment.

He glanced between him and his paper.

The thing was – after some time, he got bored of drawing Bait too, and his thoughts wandered back to a certain moonshadow elf.

He missed her. He could admit that much.

After their quest was done, Rayla had returned to Xadia. She promised to stay in touch, but Callum knew that now that things were over, they couldn’t get back what they had before.

He felt bad.

He stood from his place and went over to the window to brood. Just for fun, he placed two fingers under his chin and tried to do an _I am thinking very hard about smart things_ face.

He caught his reflection, and the expression was gone from his face as he laughed at himself. The look didn’t suit him too much.

He turned away from the window and looked around his room, panic levels rising, trying to find something that would distract him from the inevitable that was admitting that he had a cru-

Callum grabbed the pillow on his bed and shook it maniacally. It needed to be shaken, so it would look good, and not flat after the night, so the bedroom looked nice. Yes, yes, looking nice was an important thing. Nice in his bedroom, his bedroom being nice. So that he could use it happily, and all. Yes, that, totally that.

Rayla had violet eyes.

The pillow went limp in Callum’s hands.

“Oh _man_.” He used a different word. “This can’t be happening.”

He dropped himself on his bed in defeat and hid his face in his hands. He hoped it would at least make him feel like he was non-existent, but since he was trying so hard, the unwelcome feeling of being alive intensified tenfold.

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t just _have a crush_ on Rayla. He just couldn’t. He’s been over this once, twice, many times. Things between Rayla and him would never, ever, ever, in a million years, work out.

He didn’t know which was making him feel worse: still having a crush on Rayla, or the fact that he had actually believed that he was able to just talk himself out of it. As if things were that easy.

He flopped on his bed, grimacing at the ceiling.

Rayla and him would never work out. Initially, he had thought it was because he was unlikable. He had been trying to work on the issue. And he really thought that he had made a progress. But now he realized that he had just been lying to himself.

He didn’t try to convince himself that he was worthy of love, that he only had a false image of himself, that he just needed to like himself more. No; he had just shoved his feelings down, deep down, hid it behind a joyful personality, and tried to just forget about it.

Anyone could have predicted that this would not solve the problem, yet Callum had literally been doing this for almost a year now.

He let out a deep sigh. It didn’t help at all.

Okay: he wasn’t over Rayla. Maybe he still felt something for her. But what did it matter? Even if he wasn’t so convinced that he was a repulsive freak, had the guts to confess, and Rayla returned the feeling – it would still not work out. How could it? Rayla was in Xadia; Callum lived in Katolis. They barely met now – the last time was six months ago. Even if the political climate was peaceful enough for Callum to visit her – hell, even move there – Rayla would still have no time for him. She had a life, a busy one at that, even without counting her daily training.

And even if it was possible to live with her, to be close to her, even if Rayla had time for him, it would still not work.

The Reason was something Callum had a hard time acknowledging. He had always despised couples who got into arguments over the Reason, and he had always wondered, _if the two of you have such differing opinions, why are you together at all?_

The Reason was quite simple, in a way. A question most people ponder from a young age, a milestone a lot of couples reach: having children.

Callum gulped. He didn’t want to think about it. He really didn’t.

He turned his head. There was an empty glass on his nightstand.

His throat burned. He wanted to drink some water.

He went down to the kitchen and poured himself a glass, drinking it all instantly. He then refilled the glass and brought it back to his room.

He went back to his original position, ready to drown in his misery.

Misery. He wasn’t sure if he liked the word. Yes, he was miserable; but he wasn’t doing this purpose. At least, he tried to convince himself so. He never allowed himself to feel anything. He knew himself now; he was scared that if he didn’t acknowledge everything now, he could never get in the right headspace to so later.

Children. Having children with Rayla… Callum was still trying to process the idea.

Having children was _the_ normal thing to do once you were old enough. He knew this from a young age; the adults weren’t exactly subtle about it.

He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. When he was younger, he had always thought that there would come a time where he would want children. That he would have them. Except, he had realized that he was having these fantasies not from his own personal motivation, but because he felt like it was the “right” thing to do.

He didn’t want children. He didn’t want to be a parent.

But Rayla wanted to be. Rayla wanted to be a mom, Rayla wanted to have children running around her home, Rayla wanted little people she could love and take care of.

Callum understood why, even if he didn’t share the view. But every time Rayla brought the topic up – how she was excited to get to the time of her life where she had a child – Callum felt a pang.

And even if he wanted to have children – it would not be possible to have his own with Rayla. Rayla was an elf; Callum was a human. It was just impossible.

Callum folded his arms over his stomach.

It was all logical; there were so many reasons that spoke against his crush on Rayla. So, _so_ many.

And yet… and yet, he couldn’t get himself out of it. It didn’t matter how hard he thought about it; how they would never fit together, because Callum sucked, because they met twice a year, because they had different goals in life – he just couldn’t _stop_ liking her.

He sat up in his bed and reached for his sketchbook. He traced his finger on the name written on it.

He now understood why couples who couldn’t agree on having children tried to work it out.

They couldn’t just stop not liking each other, either.


End file.
